It’s the most wonderful time of the….
(insert screeching record sound)
Truly, I do love the holiday season. The lights are so magical. The holiday music on the radio brings back so many memories, old and new. Who doesn’t love cookies? And did someone say eggnog?
But this afternoon, one of the snack children cornered me, literally cornered me, to tell me the details of two school projects that will be announced later this week. Wait, what?!
“Oh sure, I would love to squeeze in two more school projects in the next three weeks. I have plenty of free time in the month of December”, said NO snack mom EVER!!!
Did I mention that I’m also a teacher? I have two weeks to squeeze in about five weeks of material as well as prepare my students for their mid-term exams. Speaking of mid-terms, I have to write them, prepare them, and grade them, all while keeping up the hectic schedule of a Snack Mom, the most important job of all.
Oh, and it’s only a matter of time before the Christmas Sign Up Geniuses begin. I will gladly send in a treat, but I am not signing up for water bottles or some %&*$ing sliced fruit or vegetables again. Move over Candy Crush, the real soccer mom gamers are waiting on the latest SUG announcement and pouncing on it. I see you signing up for napkins every time, ladies. But if we’re being honest, Darwin, I’m not interested in engaging in your Sign Up Genius survival of the fittest bullshit.
Do the kids need a five-course-fine-dining-cuisines-of-the-world experience for their morning snack? What happened to a candy cane and a Ssips iced tea? When did a classroom party become a culinary magnum opus? I’m a Little Debbie kind of mom. I might even spring for Dunkin Donuts, but I’m limited on extra kitchen time at the moment, so my true culinary artistry will have to wait for the new year. I refuse to be lured into your tangled web of bewildering haute cuisine and your cult of domesticity. I just can’t.
So, can we all just relax a little and stop trying so hard? Who wants to join me in just simplifying things a bit, especially when it comes to our children? I’m putting my foot down. I’m enjoying the magic of the season and showing my children they don’t need prosciutto, herbed goat cheese, and caviar to enjoy a classroom party. They don’t need the most expensive gifts or fancy trips to really feel the magic. Have you ever noticed how excited a kid gets playing with a cardboard box? Have you ever noticed how joyful they can be when you hand them a mini candy cane? Remember that, and chill, seriously. A Snack Mom’s life depends on it.